Finding Sweetness in a Sour Candy Life

A few weeks ago one of our families described their son’s Physical Therapist as a Sour Patch candy. The mom explained that the ideas the PT suggested made her wince initially, causing her face to pucker and her body to withdraw but eventually she realized that they really were the best ways to keep moving forward.

Her initial reaction came from a place of fear. After years of protecting her son from harm she wasn’t sure that the activity suggested was safe. After further discussion with the PT, the mom realized that the therapist sees a different version of her son. Not as a delicate child needing protection, but instead as someone with potential to grow. In order to learn new skills, new techniques are needed, and challenges need to be overcome. After all, progress can’t be made by staying within your comfort zone.

After hearing about this interaction I have spent a lot of time thinking about the sweet and sour moments of raising a child with special needs. Many parents would say these conflicting emotions may start on day one, so grateful for a new addition to their family and yet already understanding the weight of all of the decisions and difficulties yet to come. Happiness for every moment of growth and frustration with blank developmental checklists.

Parenting is not for the faint of heart. But it can be especially demanding when raising a child who is developing differently. It can be harder to find peers for support. Parenting duties may extend into nursing, educational support, advocacy, and even research. Daily tasks can seem overwhelming as you work hard to care for yourself, knowing that you are the only one who can provide for your child. A family vacation meant to be a stress-reliever requires extra consideration of the expense of bringing a child who won’t remember the experience and can only tolerate short doses of changes in their routine.

Despite all of this, I meet parents daily who are celebrating the individual moments of growth and achievements of their child. They have and continue to create a new normal in every circumstance. They involve siblings in the life of their child with special needs in ways that brighten everyone’s day and provide lasting memories. They savor the unending love they are given. They change interactions from sour to sweet without even thinking about it. And I am honored to part of their journey to seeing their child in a new light.