The Courage to Pause: Giving Kiddos Space to Grow

Last week I found myself in a conversation with a mom about something that sounds simple, but feels almost impossible: giving our kiddos time to struggle.

Because asking a parent to let their child struggle feels a lot like asking them to stop breathing. Everything in us is wired to protect, to help, to smooth the path. We want our children to feel safe and successful, and watching them wrestle with something hard doesn’t seem to fit with either of those goals.

That feeling is only magnified when you’re parenting a kiddo with extra challenges. The worries are bigger, the stakes feel higher, and the instinct to step in and make things easier grows stronger by the day. So when a professional suggests that a parent pause and allow their child to struggle, it can feel unfair, unrealistic, or even unkind.

And yet, I also can’t ignore what I see when adults do too much for their kiddos. When we rush in to fix, speak, or do, we unintentionally take away the very experiences that help children grow. So instead of framing this as “letting them struggle,” I’ve found it more helpful to think of it as giving them space to problem-solve.

Problem-solving is where learning lives. It’s how new skills take root—whether that skill is physical, communicative, academic, or emotional. When a child is given the time to work through something on their own, they discover what their body and mind are capable of. They get to experience effort, persistence, and, when it finally clicks, the pride of saying, “I did it.”

Families often ask me, “Will my child ever sit, walk, or play with their sibling?” And my answer is always the same: “I don’t know.” What I do know is that every day I show up ready to work with whatever that child brings, to support them, challenge them, and take them as far as they’re able to go—until they show me they’ve reached their limit.

There may come a time when that progress slows or plateaus, and more support is truly needed. But until then, I believe in asking more of our kiddos—not because we expect perfection, but because we believe in their potential. And when we ask more of them, we also have to ask something hard of ourselves: to pause, to wait, and to watch before stepping in.

That pause can be uncomfortable. It can stir up fear and doubt. But it’s often in those quiet moments—when a child is thinking, trying, and problem-solving—that growth happens. And those moments are worth protecting.